How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
