Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
