What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
