It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We need a shit load of segways right now
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
