hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
