I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
