We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
