all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
this hospital has no fireball
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
