Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
