I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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