i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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