Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
