I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
