they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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