So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
