I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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