can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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