I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
