dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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