What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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