i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
