I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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