Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
