Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
