She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
