and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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