I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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