I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
