I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
