i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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