I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
