eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
