So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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