Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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