I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
