i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
