ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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