This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
