I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are we still banned from the library?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
