I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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