I wish I could teleport
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
