Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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