This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
