ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
