she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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