He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
