my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
