I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
