Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
