i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dick very happy bro
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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