I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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