Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
