didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
